If you are new to my site, you are proabably wondering what this site is even about. The answer? It's about nothing. I got random rants about feminism or whatever, I guess. I post some art. I moved my taxi driver/goodbye horses edit to my about. My about will might you a general overview of who I actually am. I have an e-diary and that's more consistently and coherently updated. I use it to keep track of my life because I have a lot of memory issues. Art and other images in my photo album. My poems... are currently down. I decided I hate them actually. I have new ones I am going to post eventually. Anyway, there is no deeper meaning behind anything. This is just a weird little site.

What is the difference between girls and women? Normally, I'd assume it's just age, women are adults, girls are not. So why are so many grown adults calling themselves girls? Here's some of my theories.

• The demonization of aging in the only world has lead to women feeling more and more inclined to portray themselves as younger.
• Women are adults, usually with jobs, responsibilities, etc. Calling yourself a girl is a form of escapism. This ties in with nostalgia.
• Girls are fun characters, women are real human beings. They take on this online persona of girl to seem cute and quirky, as compared to the normie women they know in person. It shuts off when they log off. They probably don't tell their landlord they were doing "girl math" when he asked why they were late with rent.
• The idea that gender is a fashion statement makes the difference between women and girls feel like different genders. If you're an adult who dresses in the same fashions as teenage girls (not a bad thing, you are under no obligation to start dressing different just because you hit a certain age,) you may consider yourself to be entirely different from someone else your age who's fashion has shifted into something more mature.

Women have always worked. The archetype of the 1950's housewife is an anomaly. This perception that women only entered the workforce in the latter half of the 20th century comes from a white, middle class perspective. Lower class women, women of color, and immigrant women, (or combination thereof), always worked, even if they were not allowed to keep their wages and had to hand it off to their male family members. For example, in the Triangle Shirtwaist Factory fire in 1911, 123 women and girls died. Being immigrants did not make them any less female.

There's nothing inherently shameful about being a full-time homemaker (although it is a dangerous position to be in, and you run the risk of being trapped in an unhealthy relationship because you are financially dependent on your husband) but it's not this cosmic, "divine feminine", traditional way for women to live. Women have traditionally existed as both homemakers and workers, and this unequal division of labor is still seen in women living with male partners today. The greatest difference is that women today typically have control over their finances.

There's this type of misogyny that is really apparent to me particularly as a lesbian where women's sexualities are treated as secondary to men's sexualities. You can have a sexuality, just so long as it coincides with men's sexual desires. In the era of hookup culture and porn addictions, women are expected to be sexually available, always on the table. When a woman says "I don't want to have sex with men" it's a problem to be solved. She's prudish, she's traumatized, whatever. It can't just be a matter of I'm just not into it.

A women's sexuality isn't treated as what she actually wants to do, it's what she is willing to endure.

I told a therapist that I was a lesbian, and that I was outright repulsed by men's bodies, (after being prodded with, "why not?"), and she suggested I try dating asexual men. It didn't matter that in this scenario I would never feel attraction or fulfillment. Beccause if the man's asexual, you wouldn't have to have sex with him, at least in theory, so you'd just have to be able to endure his presence. (Of course, I've yet to meet a man who is actually asexual. I met one who claimed to be, but he was also a sexual predator, so I am more than dubious.)

My attraction to women didn't even factor into this scenario, because a women's sexuality is expected to be this passive thing, expected to take the form of whatever men want. Whether it's the father's who want to limit their daughter's sexuality, or the men who think that they are entitled to sex from women, on in this scenario, the asexual man who wants a girlfriend, a woman is expected to shape her sexuality around what is wanted. Being a lesbian is not wanted.

Aside from the traditional homophobia, we also get the guilt trips. The "examine your preferences." We need you to validate us with your body. Your sexuality needs to be inclusive or you are a bad person.

It's all the same entitlement, just dressed up in different ways.

They're stupid. I've been mentally ill and lonely and single for most of my life and you don't see me blaming other women for it! The big difference is that men feel entitled to women. They see their problems as something for women to solve. They think women are committing a crime against nature by not eroding their own sexual boundaries and coddling them. If you notice that no women want anything to do with you, that's not a problem with women, that means that there is something wrong with you. It's not just your appearance either, because frankly there's a lot of guys who aren't conventionally attactive "Chads" doing just fine. If you think you're an ugly man, most of that can be remedied by changing your hair/facial hair and improving your hygiene (no greasy hair, no dirty clothes!) Seriously, the beauty standards for men are not that strict. Developing a hatred for women while never working on yourself isn't going to help you.

So the men say they're lonely, yeah, so are the women. Everyone's lonely. This is late stage capitalism. This is only treated as an "epidemic" because men are confused as to why women aren't trying to stop everything to take care of them. Everyone's burnt out. We can hardly take care of ourselves. If you're so lonely, why not make some support groups for men? It's not our problem. When was the last time you heard men clamoring to campaign for women's mental health?